Well, if any of you are still around, I'd love it if you could give me some criticism for my sailor senshi, Sailor Kami (no, it's not what you think~). She's for an original RPG I started.. I think I've done pretty well, although the history is a bit iffy.
The basic plot of the RPG: Young girls are visited by Japanese goddesses after terrible times in their lives. The goddesses swear to look after them - for a price. After twelve years, the girls' lives have taken them to Ashikaga, Tochigi, where they must keep their promises. They become the Goddess Senshi, defeating the devils that seek revenge on the living.
Name: Tamano Ayame.
Meaning: Tamano - "of the spirit".
Ayame - "Design".
Appearance: Ayame is a very delicate girl with pale skin and long, white flowing hair that can easily be compared to feathers. The top half of her hair is pulled back and secured loosely with a gold hairpin. The hairpin is swirled with a pearly white color, and two pearls dangle off the end, attached by golden chains. Her eyes are a shimmering sky blue.
Birthday: June 24th.
Astrological Sign: Cancer.
Blood Type: A
Family: Ayame was adoptive and is an only child, living with her mother and father in a small house. She was born in Tokyo, but moved to Ashikaga, Tochigi Prefecture, with her adoptive parents. She also has a calico housecat named Hanabi.
Likes: Japanese pop music, warm sunny days, outside the city, her cat, reading romance novels.
Dislikes: Strangers, People being rude to her (such as yelling, making fun of her). She's not very strong emotionally.
Favorite Food: Cold cucumber-mint soup, green tea ice cream.
Least Favorite Food: Pineapple.
School: Totsukawa High School.
Favorite Subject: English.
Least Favorite Subject: History.
Color: Light colors.
Hobbies: Studying English, listening to music.
Aspirations: To be a Japanese language teacher in America.
Personality: Ayame is a quiet girl when surrounded by strangers, but among close friends, can be outgoing. She's very polite and is usually ladylike. She is happy despite her past, and only shows her weaknesses when she is yelled at or otherwise harrassed. Very few people know about what happened when she was very young, and because they don't ask, it seems that her parents were her birth parents. She hardly remembers it, but when she does, she becomes very depressed. The memories usually come in the forms of nightmares. She hates being depressed, and can't stand it when others are depressed or suicidal.
A hopeless romantic in secret, Ayame reads many romance novels in her spare time. She rarely speaks about boys and love with her friends, but rather keeps to herself, just like with anything. She has never had a boyfriend and has never fallen in love - no boys that she's met have been her perfect match, and that's what she's looking for. Many men overlook her good looks, and usually even her presence, due to the fact that she tries to blend in. She doesn't like strangers very much.
History: When she was very young, around the age of five, her father died in a motorcycle-car collision after her mother killed herself. Although she cared because they were her parents, she was mentally abused for a long time. Originally, she was a very outgoing little girl, but her father began cheating on her mother and she filed a divorce. Stress was high, and Ayame would be yelled at for being in the room with either of them, or even being in sight. If she did anything wrong, her father said she was just like her mother and vice versa. She was hardly ever physically abused, but her mind and ego were slapped around constantly. Because of this, she became meek and couldn't trust anyone for a very long time. She stayed in her room most of the time, making up little games and reading.
A few of her teachers at elementary school always wanted to help, but she prefered not to talk to them. When she did, they treated her younger than she felt - she was very mature for her age and her vocabulary was amazing, due to all the books she read. The kids at school thought she didn't like them because avoided them, so they never bothered to get to know her. Two months after the divorce was filed, both parents died within a week of each other. Her mother couldn't take the stress and slit her wrists multiple times. Ayame found her dead in the bathtub, fully-clothed with the water running. Her father was on his motorcycle five days later and was caught in a storm. Hurried to get home, he ran a red light and was hit by an SUV.
Ayame was in an orphanage for a year and a half before the Tamano's adopted her. It took her a long time to trust either of them, but tensions lowered when they bought her a kitten. That night, her parents also took her to the quiet street infront of her house and lit hanabi - Japanese sparklers - and she gave the cat that name. She took better care of that cat than anything, and although it is now almost ten years old, it is very well-taken care of and healthy.
Sailor Senshi: Sailor Kami.
Colors: Offwhite and gold.
Symbol: A slightly stretched-out "V" shape. A small circle rests on the hollow of the "V".
Challenge: "The dead surround me, and will surely help in bringing good to this town again. I am the messenger of the goddess of lost souls.. I am Sailor Kami!
Fuku: Sailor Kami has a very delicate and regal outfit. Her tiara is a thin gold chain with a small pearl hanging from it. She has long gold earrings made of the same chain with a smaller pearl on the stud and the end of each. Her shoulder flap is offwhite with two gold striped down the edges. She has golden flares of transparent silk over her shoulder. Her brooch is a pearl, while the bows in both the front and back are gold. Only her right arm has a glove - It's made of white fishnet with gold lace at the elbow. The other arm has nothing but a locked gold band around the wrist. It eternally locks her soul to the goddess Kami. Her skirt is white, but fades into a shimmering gold at the ends. Like the other senshi, she wears thigh-high fishnet that reach just under her skirt. Hers are offwhite. She wears golden three-inch heels with an ankle strap.
-The Pearl. Used by Ayame to henshin into Sailor Kami, and dangles on a white ribbon choker around her neck. The pearl, which is about the same size as a quarter, is colored a golden offwhite.
-Spirit Staff. An elegantly carved golden metal staff that stands a foot taller than the senshi herself. The bottom has a small round pearl on the tip of the pointed staff. On the top is the henshin pearl, which changes to about 6 inches in diameter when Sailor Kami emerges. It is swirled with gold designs and sits ontop a round, slightly concave gold disk on the peak of the staff. A gold, crescent-shaped metal piece extends off one edge of the disk and curls up and over to the other side of the pearl. A small frosted glass bead dangles from the end of the crescent.
Henshin: Ayame, with closed eyes, gently holds the pearl on her neck between her left thumb and forefinger and quietly says, "Spirit Goddess Power.." The pearl reflects the light and begins to glow a pale gold. Her clothes dissapear as whisps of shimmering golden smoke - the only thing that remains is the pearl between her fingers. Ayame shouts, "Make... Up!" and a ghostly golden figure flies from behind her. The figure is a sillouette of the goddess Kami, who looks nearly identical to Ayame. She floats infront of Ayame and holds her right hand out, as if asking for the human's. Like a lady, Ayame gently rests the pearl on Goddess Kami's palm. The mortal's whole body begins to shimmer and Goddess Kami dissapears, leaving the pearl to float at chest-height infront of Ayame. The golden mist can be seen flying off her arms as she raises them so her wrists cross delicately over her head. The smoke hardens to solid gold, encasing her completely, but it quickly shatters as the girl uncrosses her wrists and snaps her eyes open suddenly. Ayane has become Sailor Kami. Her eyes shimmer gold as a thin gold band with a small lock on it appears on her left wrist, the wrist without a glove. The pearl infront of the senshi grows larger and extends to the left to create the Spirit Staff, which is parallel to the ground. Simultaneously, the girl brings the locked arm down to her side, then up infront of her to grasp the staff tightly. Just as she grabs it, a golden crescent shape of metal curls over the pearl and a small pearl dangles from the end. Golden swirls creep up onto the pearl. The staff shimmers and Sailor Kami flips it right-side up. Her lips curving up into a soft smile, she lifts it up and spins around twice, crossing her arms delicately over her chest in an "x" shape, her hands resting just below her shoulders. She lets the staff rest beside her right shoulder, safe within her arms. Her legs are close together and gold smoke swirls around her feet as her hair stops flying. The spirit world appears behind her.
-Shimmering Barrier. Sailor Kami lifts the staff above her head and shouts, "Shimmering Barrier!" A sparkling ghost figure flies from the pearl and wraps its arms around the senshi, protecting her from the next hit.
-Dead Soul Encase. Sailor Kami closes her eyes and winds begin to blow her hair. She lifts her staff high above her head with one arm, the other straight by her side. She says, "Dead Soul...", and ghosts begin to float into the pearl, making it glow brightly. Thrusting the staff infront of her with the pearl pointing at the enemy, she brings her other arm to help grip the end of the staff tightly while shouting, "Encase!" Shimmering gold smoke shoots at the enemy, surrounding them and ripping them apart. The body dissapears, and its soul is sucked into the spirit staff. This is most effective when used after the enemy has been greatly weakened. Otherwise, the smoke closes the enemy in, making for an easy target.
-Spirit Blade. Like the other Goddess Senshi, Kami can change the top of her staff into a large blade. Lifting the staff up so it's parallel to the ground, she says the words "Spirit Blade." The top of the staff glows brightly and the metal elongates itself on two sides on the pearl and curves out very slightly at the ends. When it stops glowing, the pearl sits in the center of two wide pieces of golden metal, a blade that looks a lot like Goddess Kami's symbol.
History: The night after Ayame's mother died, the goddess of spirits, Goddess Kami, visited her just before she drifted to sleep on the floor amongst the police and reporters. No one else seemed to see her, and Ayame thought she was dreaming. The woman had long, white hair and gentle blue eyes. Ayame, who had dark blue eyes and dark blonde hair in a boy's cut, wished she could look that pretty. Kami told her that because Ayame witnessed a loved ones death on that day, that the goddess would always look after her - for a price. The girl nodded and smiled before falling asleep, feeling warm and comforted for the first time in a long, long time.
Twelve years later, life was going very well. Ayame felt like she was under a lucky star. She no longer remembered the 'dream' of Goddess Kami visiting her, but did think her long, white hair and shining sky blue eyes appeared familiar in the mirror. During summer vacation of her sophomore year of high school, Ayame and her adoptive parents were in Hokkaido on vacation. She was laying on a towel on the warm beach when something caught her eye in the sand - it was a very large, gold-tinted pearl on a thick white ribbon. Although she knew she should turn it in incase someone lost it - lt looked very expensive - something compelled her to pick it up and clasp it around her neck. It felt like it belonged, and so she decided to keep it.
That night when she was on her hotel room balcony looking up at the stars, Goddess Kami appeared again and reminded Ayame of the last time she was visited. Although Ayame immediately remembered the first encounter as a dream, she strangely did not doubt that the goddess in front of her was really there. The goddess told her of the Oni that walked the streets of Ashikaga in the form of humans, trying to take over the city. These Oni were from the spirit world, and were usually transformed into demons after death by jealousy or violent grief. This was the 'price' that Ayame had to pay for Kami looking over her - transform into Sailor Kami and fight for the goddess using the powers of the spirit world. Goddess Kami told her that she only needed to touch the pearl on her necklace to henshin into the senshi.